While attending my first professional conference post-PhD, I met a potential incoming graduate student who was curious about our opinions on having kids while earning an advanced degree. She’s coming into the lab that had 14 children during my time there, but the immediate response from one of my colleagues, who is in the PhD phase of the program and has three kids, was, “Don’t have kids in grad school.”
The potential grad student explained that she was concerned about waiting until she finished her degree, as her grandmother had two children late in life with Down Syndrome, and she didn’t want to run the risk of a complicated pregnancy by waiting too long. The current grad replied, “If you want a complicated pregnancy, try having a kid while in graduate school.”
I can see her side, she has three kids ages 5-1, was teaching during all three of her pregnancies, and took at most 6 weeks off (with no paid maternity leave). As Dr. Isis and Arlenna have lamented, campus childcare here is something you should sign up for about 2 years before you plan to conceive, so the chances of being able to have your infant on campus with you are slim. On the other hand, your schedule as a grad student, even if you are teaching, is generally more flexible than a 9-5 job, and allows for tag-team parenting.
In the case of this particular student, she’s graduating in May, getting married over the summer, and moving to a new state to start grad school in the fall, where she’s planning to get a Master’s degree and then go to another institution for her PhD. My advice to her would be to wait, maybe until she gets her Master’s, before having kids. She’s young, there really is no rush. My husband and I were married for four years (and together for nine) before my oldest was born the summer before our last year of undergrad. Taking the time to establish our identities, both as students and as a married couple, helped us be better parents, I think. And if the women in our lab are any indication, waiting a little while doesn’t guarantee a risky pregnancy (despite the “advanced maternal age” code on my OB chart). Five of those fourteen babies were born when their moms were over 35.
Including this one.
Tags: graduate school, parenting, Women in Science
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New blog post: (Re)producing in Grad School http://freethinkersasylum.com/2010/03/reproducing-in-grad-school/
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
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There were so many babies being had in that lab I had to leave for fear it was catching
Seriously, though. That is a beautiful baby you have there.
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Ellen, there are three departmental babies due this year. None from our lab, though.
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Who else is having babies? Hey, only one of my kids was born after I turned 35!!!
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Jen, C was born ~3 weeks before your 35th birthday? Close enough
And actually, there is one in our lab (I forgot!). O and S are expecting in July. The other two are an archaeologist and a cultural student (don’t remember names), but Melissa knows.
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